You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
