That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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