brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is Oprah even human
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
