I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
