Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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