im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What a fucking waste of an outfit
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
