I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
