I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
