Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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