Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize