If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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