I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
