i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
