the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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