Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
