So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
