Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
