There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
