I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize