I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And then he peed in my hair
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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