Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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