The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
