Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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