I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
