I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
