At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
