he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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