i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The air was thick with penises
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
