part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
