This is not my ceiling
her vagine was all disorganized.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
