i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I want a musical about memes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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