the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
