just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
