last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
