i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
