meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
