Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
