I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
