Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
