i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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