What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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