i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
