think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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