it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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