when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
