Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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