This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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