mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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