So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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