Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
