This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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