I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
