you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
