So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
