Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was like giving head to a cactus.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
