Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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