Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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