He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's always time for handjobs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
