Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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