So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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