He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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