allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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