You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
