I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
