marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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