Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
420 ftw
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize