Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
