Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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