watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
