I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
