2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
