CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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