Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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