don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
