I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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