my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
