Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
