if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
