So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
