Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
