just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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