I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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