Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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