thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
