I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
