This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
