dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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