Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
