listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize