Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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