Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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