Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Green mimosas i think yes
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
