Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
