HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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