We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
