he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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