i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize