Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
