I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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